When the going gets tough

In life we will always go through periods that are tough, that bring us down, that are unexpected and, well basically completely suck! Most of the time, like what we are going through currently, they are thrown up on us without any prior warning, they come at us like a great big slap round the face…and that hurts!!!! In my short life of almost 30 yrs I have learnt that we can react in 2 ways:

1. Negatively – Whine about it, “wo is me’ kind of attitude and let ourselves get dragged down even further. Cut ourselves off from others, be angry at the world and God etc
2. Positively – Dust ourselves down and keep fighting against it, however hard it gets and strive to be happy even though things seem dark

Ill be honest this week has NOT been easy, yesterday was a PJ day and a ‘if you just look at me i’ll cry’ day! Yup I was pretty emot and just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. If I didn’t have Ethan and Megan I would have spent the day in bed, hiding from the world. Instead Cbeebies was in charge, intermittent with ‘Frozen’.  Periodically the kids asked “What are we doing today mummy?” – errrrmmmmm well were doing it!!! I did reach the point where I called a friend to come chat for a couple of hrs as I just could NOT cope.
Since we were given this diagnosis I have been determined to take the positive approach, to keep my faith and have fun despite this. I didn’t want to be dragged down by this experience, I didn’t want to go through depression again or become an angry person but rather wanted to let it be a time for us to draw together as a family and to realize the blessings we have rather than focusing on what is being taken away. I wanted to hopefully one day inspire and help others in the same way we have been so far.

From my talks with other mothers that have gone through similar things, I have realized that its ok to have days where you feel sad, lets face it, the prospect of loosing your child is heartbreaking and of course thats going to hurt and the tears are going to flow, it would be unnatural not to.  Its also ok to have days where it feels unfair, rubbish and that there’s a big fatty black cloud over you, but do we choose to stay there day by day or do we have a good cry and keep on going? As I say, I have fought depression before I know that darkness and I know really how hard it is to get out but I have learnt from that experience that if we let negative thoughts and feelings dominate us we will stay in the darkness and never see hope.

This week is one of those weeks , I feel REALLY sad about loosing my baby girl, about having to hold a funeral and about not being able to see her grow up…the going is really getting tough the closer to her birth we get, but I choose to be positive and having 2 wild kids I have to keep going and as much as I don’t want to clean my house, a clean environment lifts the mood. As much as I don’t want to go out, the sunshine and laughs of our children lift our spirits and keep us going another day. God does not give us things we cannot bare, however hard it is to cope with I know there are things placed in my life (friends, family, kids, treats, husband hugs etc) that have been given to me to give me the strength to enjoy my life despite the heartbreak I am going through!

I CHOOSE TO LIVE BY THIS – What do you choose?
get up


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