Parenting After Loss – 9 Months

9 Months after I had and lost Poppy, I remember feeling incredibly sad when we reached this milestone. It was so hard to step over the threshold of her suddenly being gone longer than she was alive, and I remember I struggled to wrap my head around that fact. Suddenly here we are at 9 months with Alice and to celebrate the normal excitement of her being out longer than she was in, somehow feels a little insensitive this time around! I am happy to let it pass like any other monthly milestone, fully aware that we are only 3 months from her first birthday!

We finally got her a cot yesterday, and so it only seemed fitting that she had a few shots taken in it here at the odd milestone that is 9 months.

She has come on leaps and bounds in the last 4 weeks; with 2 new teeth, some bum shuffles to get to stuff, mastering drinking from her bottle, and some recent pulling backwards across the floor. She is most definitely my latest developer but that’s totally fine with me…every milestone brings with it a flood of emotion, so the longer we take to get there the better!!

So yes as I say we finally have her a cot! She has needed one for a while (being end to end in her baby crib) and I finally bit the bullet and moved her up.Now she looks so teeny and cute in it, I love it! She’s still in our room until we move, which again is far longer than the others ever where, but all of these changes are just too major to handle at once. I also have anxiety in the back of my mind of all the risks, and so for peace of mind it just makes sense for her to stay put a few more weeks!

The last few days I have been combination feeding with the hope that today I would stop breastfeeding altogether! She seems to have really cut down on her milk intake altogether, with just one feed at bedtime and has been happy to have either expressed or formula in a bottle. I am incredibly proud of myself for making it to 9 months (my longest by double), and with the constant biting it was a deal breaker – her time on the boob is up!

At 9 months I want to remember how she eats like a gannet…shouts mama, baba and dada. Clutches her water bottle, and then how she loves to kick back with it in the pram.  I want to remember how excited she seemed when we visited Poppy’s grave with her last weekend, and spoke of her big sister (like she knew exactly who she was). And finally I want to remember how much she is like her other siblings – jolly, loving life and yet a stubborn little lady. She is a gentle and loving soul who continues to fill my days with joy!

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