Do you ever have THOSE weeks?! you know the ones, where it feels like the world is against you and no matter how much effort you exert into stuff its like your constantly running into a brick wall!
As I previously mentioned in my last post, this week marked a year since finding out that our new baby girl actually wouldn’t be ours for very long and with that news we had a road of scans, specialists and tests ahead of us. Whilst remembering this isn’t as raw as when we 1st found last year (I guess imaging it and then having gone through it changes you) it has still being a bit of naff week emotionally and therefore physically. I have said it before, but it really is true, that when you are in a state of grief, be it early on and pure pain and rawness or months down the line and just feeling naff and deflated, the slightest thing can go wrong and all of your emotions will erupt! It only takes a burnt dinner, smashed glass, traffic, a lost item that in reality is tat but at the moment is treasure or something wrong with the car and you feel like the whole world is against you. I feel in these situations that no matter how hard I fight to survive my loss and life generally that I just keep hitting a wall (and that is VERY tiring and at times painful) I feel completely deflated and unable to function; much like our rear tire yesterday!
Last summer we had a blow out on the tire, we also spent a tonne having lots of work on it, welding, a new alternator and a whole load of other expensive jobs (the joys of a 2nd hand car) and just when we thought nothing else could go wrong we go and get a puncture. I know, I know its no big deal and in comparison to the other stuff or potential things that COULD go wrong this can easily be fixed but its just one of those things we could have done without, an inconvenience, annoyance and for me one of those triggers in a world of grief that makes you want to hide, its the cherry on top of the cake of an already rubbish week! As we’ve also had a cut in the cash flow (hello icing on the cake) the only solution was to head to the ghetto to get it fixed – so me and the kids did that; after driving 20mph all the way there and having various people beep at me we made it in one piece. I did briefly wonder when I pulled up if we would be making it back in one piece but all of that left as I watched the kids teach me how to make the best of a bad situation, they just loved the adventure and the numberless stacks of tires made for great play. They smiled the whole time and it softened me and boosted me for the rest of the day to see how they turned a bad situation into an adventure.
A few moments and a bargain-ous £7 later we were back on the rd!
Life really is sometimes like a flat tire – something sharp hits us deep inside and we go on for so long with it there before we deflate and can’t go any more. I honestly do feel some days I have a slow puncture and I can feel the energy seeping from me, but like all problems we experience, be them big, gigantic or small ones, it usually doesn’t take much to get us back on the road for a little longer; chats, some “me” time, cheery kids, a hug, a treat, flowers, a nap! I’m always being told to look after me and I know when life hits us hard we have to look after ourselves or we will become deflated and pretty useless!