The house is a dump, I can’t be bothered to cook and the kids are whining in my ears…yup we are well and truly back to reality!
To say I wasn’t looking forward to Christmas and the “season to be jolly” I am surprised at how deflated I feel being back at home now after our adventures at Grandma and Grandpas this last week or so. We had such fun with everyone and to not have to worry about the usual day to day stuff was actually a welcomed break. Yes I am wrecked too though (hence the dump of a house and lack of motivation); thats what happens when you still think your 20 can stay up to the early hours watching films and having chats with the girls or playing live mafia (no thats not a joke)…only im now 30 and have 2 kids to see to at the break of dawn, so yeah im feeling like I need a week to recover from my riotous living!
However Im feeling right now though, I cannot deny it was a great end to a not so great year!
I decided a few weeks ago that I wouldn’t be setting any goals or resolutions for 2015, what’s the point? I thought when practically everything I had planned and hoped for during 2014 crumbled before my very eyes. I didn’t want to have to face more failure if what I set for myself ended up not working out. At least that was until I read a brilliant post by Leigh over at “Headspace Perspective”, her words really resonated with me and inspired me; yes till now I would say life has been a matter of survival and making sense of all that has happened but why not hope for more? become more? and achieve more than mere survival of life? after all isn’t my focus to find the joy in life despite the storm? Life isn’t just about trying to survive its about enjoying the journey and becoming our best selves, at least thats what I believe and so I am determined to thrive this year – some ideas or I guess resolutions I have come up with are:
– Raise Money for the hospice/Sands: Both have helped us so much, I want to give something back or that will help those following. Some of my family are going to be doing a 1/2 marathon in the summer … Im SERIOUSLY considering it ahhhhhhhh if not I will come up with something less life threatening!
– Improve my sewing skills: Over christmas I witnessed many wonderful hand crafted creations and desperately wished I had such mint skills. The Pinterest board is bulging with ideas and the sewing machine sat on the shelve with a basket of mint fabrics I have collected..this will be the year I refine my sewing skills!
– Loose the weight: Ongoing but at some point this year I WILL loose the bulge and look my best once more.
– Get more sleep: I spend far too much time faffing when I could be sleeping. Things are always worse when I am tired and so bed by 10pm sun – thursday in an attempt to be a more pleasant member of our household, have more energy and generally feel well rested.
– Read more: Books that is, I spend way too much time reading status updates and stuff online as oppose to a good ol book. I hope to get through at least one a month to exercise my mind and chill out a bit more.
I also have a few other things I hope to do, some blogger stuff and some lifestyle stuff/hobbies and I recognise that these aren’t major things really, im not exactly setting out to change the world or transform but they are all things that will add to me feeling and looking my best in this coming year and therefore meaning ill hopefully be a better wifey and mother and have more balance in my life, to accomplish these things will for sure make me feel like I have thrived this year!
When I look back on last year I initially just want to forget it, to be fair it was one big pile of rubbish! But I can’t do that because I actually just feel gratitude, that may be strange if you too have lost your baby, what really is there to be grateful for when such a precious thing was taken with no explanation? I can certainly name several other emotions that could quite easily proceed feeling grateful but nevertheless gratitude dominates… I am firstly grateful I got pregnant earlier in the year, grateful I was able to see her in 3d on all of my scans and grateful that I carried Poppy to term (because her diagnosis was so severe death could quite have easily taken her sooner). I am grateful I held her in my arms and spent some time with her. I am grateful for forget me nots that helped us so much during those 1st few days. Grateful the sun shone for her funeral and for the support following of friends and family. I am grateful to those that still talk about her and acknowledge her, and finally I want to say a big THANK YOU to those of you that follow my blog…it motivates me and inspires me to keep going and helps me enjoy my life and share it with you, lets face it, whats a blog without readers?! So again thank you very much – lets see how we get on through this coming year, I hope you will continue to follow along!
What do you hope to achieve for 2015?
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This is beautiful, and I’m really touched you’ve linked to my post, thank you. I think it’s all about small, achievable goals, small steps in grief. Making traditional resolutions seemed far too daunting to me. I share your sense of gratitude. There are lots of things for me to feel grateful for, despite my heartbreak: the time I spent with Hugo, being the main one, although I wish of course more than anything he was still with me. For me, having things to feel grateful for helps stop me going into a spiral of complete despair. All the best for you for 2015. xxx
Yeah I totally agree, small and simple steps are the way to move forward. Any extra pressure for me is too much. All the best to you too and thanks for all you write x