This weekend has been quite a significant one for our family, as we have had the 4th Anniversary of losing our daughter Poppy and her 4th birthday (She was stillborn at term on the 16th September 2014). In recent years (and I suppose every year since) it has been a really difficult thing to have to face on the calendar and go through. It has always been filled with anxiety and heightened grief and whilst I have tried to make something good of it, it’s just been really hard and emotional!
This weekend however was different. This weekend I tried hard to do more positive things and make it an enjoyable and reflective weekend. Since having several sessions of NLP therapy and feeling somewhat lighter about it all my approach has been a bit different and as a result, whilst some tears were of course shed here and there, we have had a really lovely weekend together and it hasn’t left me feeling out of balance like in recent years.
This week I have been touched once again by the kindness and thoughtfulness of friends. I am truly grateful for the wonderful friends I have here in the village, who were so considerate of me and how I was this last week – I have had plenty of hugs, messages and chat! I am grateful for the lunches I have enjoyed out with my friends, and the thoughtful gift another friend sent me in the post. They have all carried me through and helped me smile and just be how I have needed to be and say what I have needed to say about it all.
I am also grateful this week to have had a date out with Mr Smith. I decided on Friday (which would otherwise be a very hard day) to go to the theatre to see a comedy play about depression and sadness at Hull Truck! It was great to get dressed up a bit, put some lippy on and curl my hair, and have some time with my lovely husband. The play was excellent – really funny and very well executed about a sensitive topic. I was intrigued from a future therapist perspective and loved it from the perspective of a person that has had a whole load of emotion to deal with!! It was lovely to laugh together and chat about life 4 years ago and all we have endured together, and I am grateful for my sister in law for babysitting all 3 kids so we could share those moments! Mostly I am grateful that it turned a day that I usually struggle with, into a day I really enjoyed!
This week I succeeded at baking a half decent cake for Poppy’s Birthday and a “Number 4” floral arrangement for her grave too. I also managed to get the kids to school early every day and keep on top of our home – a real difference to this time last year and it felt refreshing!
Found Beauty In
All of the lovely messages people sent over social media this weekend, the conversations with friends over lunch midweek, and the lovely sunset on Friday evening that helped heaven feel closer. I also found beauty at the lighthouse last night in the evening sun and the lovely coastline!
This weekend was surprisingly pleasant and peaceful. I am incredibly grateful that the trauma of our loss has eased significantly through my NLP therapy and I am thankful to have such lovely people around me – the combination of which has really helped make this weekend! It has been a good week with friends, and I haven’t been able to say that about this period of the year in such a long time.