Headstone Shopping

Usually 3 weeks before your kids 1st birthday you would be seen shopping in Toy shops or on line for something lovely for them to play with, maybe a new little outfit or a useful bargain to make life a little easier. We have always bought books an outfit and something useful for 1st birthdays (1st shoes, a bed, something like that), but this time round there are none of those things, I wish to feel normal and buy my daughter a normal gift, but Instead I found myself at the stone masons asking about a headstone for her grave.
WP_20150827_14_46_39_ProNathan and I have put off buying the headstone because the task just felt too huge and all so final and its a painful thing to see the name you fondly picked out written on a grave stone along side the birth date and due date…. We spent a few months discussing back and forth stones we wanted, then colour of font and finally what we wanted it to say. I took lots of pictures of other baby graves that I liked the look of and wanted to replicate for Poppy. I was ready and settled and felt it a great duty to her to get this done before she would be 1! People would see her name and knew she was here.

I chose a place I was familiar with, near where I grew up – I expected to go in, tell them what I wanted, get a price, order it and have it. I WAS WRONG!!! And so glad it wasn’t any earlier in my grief because I would have gone absolutely psycho on them. I can disconnect from emotions to get stuff like this done, I did it for the funeral and I have done it since, but as the meeting went on I was getting more and more frustrated. I said at least 5 times what I wanted – she didn’t get it. I visually explained..she said it wouldn’t work… I asked how long it would take “ooooo at least 3 months”!! Then whilst in discussion E got told off for touching some stones hahahaha the whole thing was becoming very uncomfortable, a task I felt was an honour and had spent months preparing for was quickly becoming an ordeal and frustrating.
WP_20150827_14_49_46_Pro“Is she joking? ” I said to my mum as we left none the wiser. If anything I know where I DON’T want to buy it from, but at the same time we are only a couple weeks from her 1st birthday and no headstone.. all we wanted was a mini version of an adults in light granite, curved top, black text and name and poem….too hard and wouldn’t work??? Really??? As if buying a headstone for anyone isn’t hard enough, a baby more painful and with barriers flipping awful!

I wandered into the cemetery to see my grandma’s grave for a bit, one I have always loved to look at and later found out from my Dad where her’s was made..perhaps we will try there next. Sheesshhh what a hassel this already difficult task was! I need a rest before I can tackle that one again!

We just want something small, slightly lighter granite than this and one curve..black text that we have written out!
We just wanted something simple and small, lighter granite than this and one curve..black text that we have written chosen with her name, date and a small poem! Too hard indeed! 
Best of Worst


  1. September 2, 2015 / 8:45 am

    What a beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss. The headstone you have described sounds beautiful and something that definitely shouldn’t be rushed after all it will stand for generations to come. #bestandworst xx

    • September 3, 2015 / 8:15 pm

      Thank you! I hope it will be, its nothing extravagant which is why I wondered what the issue was. x

  2. September 2, 2015 / 9:11 am

    Oh you poor thing, as if that situation isn’t hard enough without somebody being so awkward and insensitive. I really hope you find somewhere that can help you and offer some much needed compassion at the same time. #bestandworst

    • September 3, 2015 / 8:16 pm

      Thanks so much! Yeah its not easy, you don’t need hassle when your doing something like this x

  3. Angela Milnes
    September 2, 2015 / 5:41 pm

    Oh Mary! How frustrating for you! I wonder if there are any good one’s out there who could give you what you want! I hope so!

    Angela from daysinbed.com

    • September 3, 2015 / 8:16 pm

      Thanks Ang – Yeah I have a contact I will be following up with next week x

  4. September 3, 2015 / 11:41 am

    Oh Mary, this post made my heart very heavy for you, I’m so deeply sorry for the loss, I hope you allow yourself to grieve when you feel you need to. The last thing you need is to deal with someone being so difficult. Thanks for sharing with the #bestandworst and as always for linking up 🙂

    • September 3, 2015 / 8:18 pm

      Thanks Helen – It is just becoming my normal now, and it is hard and heavy on days like this one was. I hoped so much it would be really straightforward, but it wasn’t and so hopefully will find someone who is more helpful x

  5. September 9, 2015 / 6:54 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. What a difficult task this is and I’m so sorry that first place wasn’t helpful. You would think they would be experts at being sensitive to people’s requirements! 🙁

    You are really brave and strong for posting about this and I hope you find the solution you want from somewhere else really soon.

    L x


  6. October 21, 2020 / 3:58 pm

    I can totally agree with the part where you mentioned that it feels so painful to pick a headstone for a person you dearly loved. Unfortunately, my parents can’t do it by themselves, so I have to do it for my deceased grandmother. I just hope I can find a place that offers custom-engraved headstones that would serve as a good memory for my grandmother.

  7. May 1, 2021 / 12:05 am

    Thank you for sharing your journey regarding choosing headstones and how you discuss the color and font on what to use on it. I guess my husband will be thinking a lot about it, too before choosing one. The news from his relatives just came in this morning, so I am researching for him because I know he has a lot to think about at the moment.

    • Mary @TheHeartyLife
      May 15, 2021 / 10:58 am

      I am sorry to hear that this is a choice that you are having to make. Take your time and look around x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Never miss a post - Subscribe to my Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,062 other subscribers.
%d bloggers like this: