I have been thinking a lot recently about the word inspire and wondered what or who is inspiring to you?
Next I’d ask Is it little old me? Really? Because believe it or not some people seem think so But…Do I really inspire people with my little piece of the web and the way I approach life, or is it a word misused in a moment where there is nothing much else to say?
Since starting my blog almost 2 years ago and being so open and honest about every emotion and step of this journey, there is one word that is recurrent in peoples description of me, one word that is used when the most emotional and painful posts are published, a word that at times makes me feel a bit awkward and at other times very humbled… that word is “Inspirational” and often comes from people I barely know as well as those that know me well.
I at times laugh sheepishly when hearing this as I would never, out of all of the words to describe ME say that I was an inspiration to anyone, a mess maybe..scatty? Emotional? A joker? Of course but inspiring..never, yet for some reason in telling my story of baby loss and grief and of our family life around these terribly difficult topics, there are moments that seem to inspire others and however that happens (I don’t know) I can say I am pleased that my experiences are helping another in some way..it is all I ever hoped. When I looked upon Poppy’s beautiful face before we said goodbye for the remainder of our lives, I just wanted her in some way to have an impact in this world. I wanted her to not be forgotten and I wanted to feel like all of this was worth it and had had some purpose.
I started my blog initially to raise awareness of 3 things; Trisomy 18, Congenital heart disease and the eventual baby loss that would result from these 2 serious conditions. I wanted something to focus my emotions into during my pregnancy and have a voice about how it felt to be carrying a baby with an uncertain future and how our family were affected by this.
I also wanted something to show the world how beautiful life still is, how many adventures there are still to enjoy and how great family life can be despite the stormy and very low periods which we unexpectedly find ourselves thrown into and especially the long and painful journey of stillbirth and baby loss. I knew deep down how ever hard it was at times to find, there is always something to be grateful for and smile about, and the things I blog hopefully show that.
It since has evolved into more of my interests and our family life generally, but these beginnings still are very much engrained with in the content I share.
When I look at me, at my blog and the things I write and share with people, Of course I wouldn’t say I was inspiring or inspirational. I would say I am just telling our story honestly and at times that is very sad.
I am a mother now of both living children and an Angel child that just wants to tell her story and that just wants her daughter to be remembered. I want life to be portrayed as the roller coaster it is, with all of its joys and struggles, and I especially want my living children to love this world; to have and seek adventures and to not let the troubles with in it and that come into our lives beyond our control, define them and make them live in sadness or despair. I want them to look at us and how we handle things and know its okay to cry and struggle but then we must also fly high and love life. I want to live life to the full and fight for joy despite the hardships we have faced and do face from loosing our daughter…but to me this is a natural human trait when put under pressure isn’t it? Or am I doing things others deem as impossible?
Since loosing her we have done a couple of things to help raise awareness and help others, and you can read about them below:
But yes, most things are just our life story and so every time I am described as an inspiration it blows me away. “Am I really?” I ask myself!
SO… If you read or follow my blog, if you have at any step of this journey thought me to be an inspiration through the words I write or things we have done, then I would ask ever so nicely if you wouldn’t mind taking a few moments to VOTE FOR ME IN THE BIBs THIS YEAR PLEASE, I would love to be nominated in the Inspiration category for sharing our story and having enthusiasm about life despite.
Many thanks x x (Just click the image to be taken to the nominations or click here)