Today has been focused on requiring us to be practical – welcome to the life of a grown up! Practical plans for birth, practical prep for September and shopping for practical shoes – WHHHHAATTTT!!! Its not been easy but we have made it through another day!
As iv’e previously mentioned throughout this journey it has been a roller coaster – trading bad news for good news and back to bad news. We get to the point where we just accept that its the way it is and deal with it. At today’s scan we were pleased to find out that Poppy’s growth has continued at the same rate, yes shes still teeny but in 2 weeks she has gone from 2lb 15 – 3lb 8…HORRAY!! Watch out we might end up with a little fatty after all! Unfortunately though the eventration of the diaphragm (CDH) has gotten worse, thus compromising her lung development and pushing her heart further to the right, this now poses the question of how well she will breath independently and how long she can live prior to respiratory failure.
Following the scan was the second meeting with Neonatal after we had a not so great one last time. I must say this went far better and the consultant was mint! He was a lot more empathetic towards us, a lot more accommodating to what we wanted and what I loved most he referred to “Poppy” by name throughout. It was very personal and I felt very peaceful.
We came to the decision that as she is growing at a continuous rate we should leave her in there cooking as long as poss in hope natural onset of labour will be better and that we would like special baby care and not full intensive care. It was hard to make these decisions as instinct is to use all means available to preserve your babies life and 2 weeks ago that is where I was at, however today we had to be practical and Poppy is a very sick baby and this new info about her diaphragm tells us that intensive treatment wouldn’t really make much difference to her. I must say I am grateful that God is with us, because the peace and ease to accept that could only come from a power higher than me! The plan is natural delivery, special baby care, come home ASAP and make the most of it.
We left the hospital today feeling content and just hoping that we would be able to have a few days with her. Our thoughts were then turned to some preparations for September – Nath was offered a placement year last week starting September and had to go in to uni to pick up some info for it, he gave me a guided tour of all his hang out spots/the business school (first time in the 2 yrs hes been there) and we had fun hanging together, followed by shopping and generally reflecting on lots of things.
We also thought it might be good for Megan to go to nursery from September with Ethan, usually I would completely disagree as to me 2 is far too young but as I said now were grown up, now life isn’t how we planned and we have to be practical and so after a couple of calls we can now say from September Megs will go every Friday, Ethan is super excited and I love how happy he is for his sister to be going – this means I will have a kid free day once a week to go to counselling, sleep, pamper, whatever I need to be able to function following the loss of a child.
I sadly didn’t buy much on our shopping trip together (which Nath was pleased about) . I desperately need shoes for a family wedding on Sat but what I want and what Nath thinks is practical for a pregnant lady are 2 completely different things so looks like ill be bare foot! Glad I got some shellac done in prep!
I did bring myself to buy a little white dress from H&M for Poppy to be blessed in after birth and I look forward to dressing her in it