“I do”

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Family, cake, laughs and “I do”! Today could not have been spent in a more joyful way than seeing Naths sister ‘tie the knot’! They are a beautiful couple inside and out and the day was wonderful. I loved being around family, especially catching up with those that don’t live so close. I loved eating too much cake and I loved seeing the joy on Ethans face at everything…especially running wild with his cousins! Both Ethan and Megan commented on how Auntie Lucy looked like a princess and it was so lovely to hear.

Megan unfortunately did not go to bed on time last night and so spent half the wedding whining, a small portion eating and the rest sleeping…i’m not complaining though, a sleeping child and playing child meant for an enjoyable, laugh out loud reception – Just what we needed

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Amid all the beauty and happiness though I also experienced things I had not anticipated I would today;

1. ANXIETY  –
I LOVE doing hair – it comes so naturally to me and I would say i’m usually pretty good at it! I was excited to do Lucy’s wedding hair, something quite simple but effective…as I worked on it I felt so anxious and just generally blank. I spent lots of time faffing and just staring, not quite remembering how to do simple things! As a result I panicked more and got flustered…this is NOT me when I do hair, I’m usually pretty chilled and take it in my stride. This experience knocked me back a bit and It really made me see how this is affecting me and my ability to focus on usually simple tasks. Nathan was even surprised when I told him how I had been!

2. SADNESS
Family gatherings are bitter-sweet, whilst they are joyful and today certainly was, we both cannot help but be reminded that for us the next gathering could be for the funeral of our baby- Blunt yes but i’m afraid that’s our reality! I loved chatting with family and of course poppy came up, although hard at times to talk about, I wouldn’t want to ignore the fact shes coming and wont be here long. Yes its sad and I often sense the sadness others feel too, but oh how im glad we can talk together about it. Like I said “bitter-sweet” and I much prefer to talk about it, about plans, about her condition, about how we are coping than to pretend this is not happening and this pregnancy is normal, because that would certainly do my head in!

3.  GRATITUDE
Not just a little, but Extreme gratitude for being blessed with a wonderful husband myself. We chatted a lot about how almost 5 years ago when we got married that we could never have imagined that we would be in this situation, but how we are glad for each other by our side and the love we have for each other. My heart was full of gratitude that Nath is with me and a strength to me at this time.

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Another roller coaster day, but grateful for more ups than downs!

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