“It’s your turn to…” is a phrase exchanged numerous times a day between myself and Mr Smith. It’s your turn to drive because I drove here..it’s your turn to wash up as I always do it, or it’s your turn to choose a film…go tell the kids to get back into bed (and so on). Often the phrase is used in relation to the children and up keep of our home, ensuring we are doing our “fair share”. And more often than not its actually just said in jest because its funny to look at the other person and say “erm she’s poo’d – it’s your turn”!
Rarely though is it ever his turn to cook. He doesn’t really do that ever. Not through a lack of choice of an overly sexist attitude, but more because the kitchen is my domain and I made clear of that fact early on. I love to cook and find great joy in food shopping and meal planning, and I mostly love experimenting in the kitchen to create delicious food to be enjoyed together as a family. I find people in the kitchen with me are more of a hindrance than a help once I get in the zone and so pretty much from day one it was me cooking and him doing the bins! As a result I cannot remember a time (at least recently) when I have said “It’s your turn to make dinner”… of course when I have been ill, on the brink of a meltdown or just recovering from a new baby, he steps in with his limited skills to make us some pasta, homemade wedges, beans on toast or eggs…but dinner is something that is almost always my turn.
And then last week I made a passive aggressive comment about him making more effort on date night and it was so lovely that he actually picked up on it and acted. On Friday morning I got a text saying that it was his turn to make food for date night and to let him take care of it! The control freak within me had to take a back seat and I literally had to fight myself to not interfere and nose around what he was doing, and just keep away from the kitchen! It wasn’t anything extravagant; just some posh Italian ready meals and flat bread with Elder flower presse, but he took a turn to cook and it was lovely. He had thought of me, listened to me and he waited on me, and it is a moment that made me feel so loved and just generally fuzzy and smiley inside.
I have, and always do admire that Nathan is willing to be better and try harder. He wants to show me love and appreciation and makes an effort to where possible. And so yes, because we make such a thing of whose turn it is, its always so nice when they take your turn too (if that makes sense?), its a great sign of love to change 2 pooey nappies in a row or take an extra turn to put the kids back to bed. So whilst I am 100% sure plenty of husbands cook for their wives (and that is wonderful), I don’t necessarily want him to because of the joy it gives me to do it myself. But the joy comes in the moments of small random acts of taking his turn when it isn’t his turn at all.
Small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness (even when prompted) in marriage or a relationship create a moment in the ordinary groove of life that reaffirms why you love them and why you adore being together. I always find it so nice/lovely/sweet and just a real treat from my bestie when he goes beyond the ordinary to make a special moment by taking a turn when it isn’t his turn. Its often a joke between us but its also something that keeps us going strong and serving one another out of love!