How is my baby girl 6 months old today? I seriously am a bag of mixed emotions as I think firstly about how exciting it is at the many wonderful milestones that await in the near future, and then emotional too to think of my baby growing (as I say most months) far too fast for my liking.

Since our last update we have a new wardrobe, have started weaning, went to our first playgroup (finally), are sleeping for larger chunks at night time (thank you), and she has some great rolling skills from both back to front and front to back. Her sitting up is still somewhat rocky when not being assisted by us or the Bumbo, and whilst she’s still gnawing and whimpering no teeth have yet made an appearance either.

5 months to 6 have certainly being the most emotionally challenging for me in this parenting after a loss life. I think it has a lot to do with the big things we are now experiencing; like changing the pram unit and eating first foods that are like a huge slap in the face of what we missed last time round. Don’t get me wrong they are so exciting to see and be a part of, but they hurt so much in my soul that whilst celebratory in Alice’s life, they are very real reminders of what we lost, missed out on and every little thing we didn’t get to do with Poppy because she passed away.

And then I believe it has something to do with not being certain if Alice is my last and if all of these milestones are the last time I’ll be doing them? I don’t know, I’d like to think she isn’t but pregnancy for me is awful and my body felt so battered last time round. I still don’t feel like I have fully recovered physically, and that along with the anxieties of “will they make it?” now my naivety to birth always been joyful has been shattered. I don’t know if I can or want to go through that again. Mr Smith is a resounding “No”, but maybe with more time and a better rhythm to life with 3 kids we will feel differently (that or I will accept that this is it).

At 6 months old I want to remember how smiley and happy she is, her deep voice like megs when she laughs and the squeals of excitement that come from seemingly nowhere – they are the things that make her so delightful and are soothing to my heart. And I most definitely want to remember yesterday, when playing on her mat without a nappy to air a serious case of nappy rash, she decided to poo. I didn’t notice until she had rolled around in it like a little piglet and began to raise the alarm – Yes, now that’s most definitely a story for the boyfriends for sure.

How blessed I feel to look at this beautiful, pleasant, happy little girl with her dreamy blue eyes. A true beam of light in our world after such an awful period. Where have the last 6 months gone to? I still feel like I’m in the newborn hazy phase and here we are midway to her first birthday – I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun, and I can certainly see why they call these babies rainbows!

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August has very much been about Family and I couldn’t have asked for more from Summer. If I had one word to sum up our month I would most definitely opt for “family”; with our wonderful holiday in Cornwall, our recent ‘family fun weekend’ with Nathans family and now me and the kids enjoying some last minute adventures on the coast at my Parents. Family is great and I have loved the Summer holidays for giving us so much time and lush weather to spend time together as a family on many adventures and having a great time with our families. I couln’t not include a family pic from our holiday, taken at the lost gardens of helegan and a reminder of the first holiday with Alice, the craziness that family holidays now are and another imperfect picture with only Nath looking at the camera and me wondering why on earth Ethan is trying to elbow me? Either way this is our normal, unpredictable, adorable family life and it was taken whilst we were loving the time we had together.

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The rest of these pictures were taken on Sunday in our “sunday best” after church whilst at Nathans Parents house for the Bank Holiday weekend. I really love how clean and lovely the kids always are on a sunday, and as church is such a key part of our family life I like to look back on Sundays and remember that amid the chaos, random outtakes and moments where I have no idea what is going on, that there actually were some moments of peace, there was unity and at least one day a week where we were all clean, I had time for hair and make up and we looked pretty good!

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I love sunday’s more when spent with family and I love to sit in church and see my family all around me, it makes my heart happy and sums up what life is all about really. I say this because I am mindful that as we enter September, we enter my least favourite month, and a month where we reflect a lot on Poppy and her anniversaries. Its a hard time of year in our family and will now be mixed in with saying goodbye to both Ethan and Megan as they begin school again. And so, when I have moments of sheer joy with family and remember how great it is when we are all together, I want to capture it and feed the hope I have that this and these momentes we work so hard for, can be our forever.

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This bank holiday weekend was another 4 days of family time and family fun. More moments of tresuring family as we celebrated Grandma Smiths birthday and had a jam packed weekend which included water slides, a bouncey castle, pottery painting, playing games, outings and singing together some British anthems! I laughed so much, enjoyed chatting with my inlaws, felt exhausted and felt blessed for our little family as an extension to something wonderful.

And now as the fun continues with my family (minus daddy) with trips to the beach, making mud pies with cousins and lots of ice creams, I am grateful to August for more Sunshine, more family laughs and fun and more bonds created for my kids with their cousins. I love these carefree days together, the routines we have fallen into and seeing how much better the kids have beome at cooperating for me. I love August for giving us so much time together so we could make lots of memories as a family and with our family.

In just one week our schedule be back to school runs, sorting uniforms and me having far less kiddie convos during the day. Whilst I look forward to the initial quiet and rest, the increased freedom, a tidy home, time for me occasionally whilst Alice sleeps…I know it will be short lived and I will miss my little buddies a lot. But for now we will enjoy together the last few days of summer, of freedom and of fun.

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The Me and Mine Project
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