20 Week Scan & Gender Reveal…

Today I am officially over the half way mark…20 weeks and 3 days to be precise and positively relieved to have our 20 week scan out of the way. It has certainly been an anxious week, and whilst a teensy bit excited to be able to have an opportunity to see the baby again, my fears of it not panning out once again and worries of absolutely everything that might be wrong plagued me in the run up to today.
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I have also amidst all the worries, have been trying to work out what we are having. Whilst I know more so than ever that this isn’t a gender reveal scan, I do always look forward to knowing that small detail. I look forward to the opportunity to prepare and that of being able to connect a little more to the tiny human inside of me! Knowing early on that Poppy was a girl made the world of difference at every stage, and so this time I have been hoping that it’s not another girl but rather a boy. Why? Because the thought of another girl, whilst lovely just seems to me a tough call…too many reminders and milestones to what I have lost and missed (plus the dresses, hair clips and all things girly), and whilst I know I will fall in love with any baby I have, I have made no secret of the fact I’d love a boy this time round…something different!

So there I sat on the way to the hospital, the kids at school and me wondering a million things about the impending scan. I was quite nervous but not overly as I went into fetal medicine and met with our consultant, and as I watched her scanning so intricately each organ and making each measurement I just didn’t know what was normal and wasn’t. I watched and waited to hear if things were okay this time, hoping they were and if I had the okay to relax and rejoice in this pregnancy, and thankfully I do – We are over the moon to be told today that we are growing a very healthy baby! PHEW!

I felt so happy, yet those words seemed so surreal – We actually have another chance, I have a whole mix of emotions at that, but mostly joy, relief and a little excited!

And then came the next question…now we were assured it was healthy, we asked if she could please tell us the gender, and I had everything crossed that she would say “Boy”!!!

I’ll let Ethan and Megs reveal all…
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Ethan is pretty mad; “I hate this stupid news…I wanted a brother” (as he threw the little girly shorts on the floor I had bought to reveal it to them)!

Megan isn’t so sure; “I wanted a bruvva too, but a sister can sleep in ma room” (She has several name suggestions with this including Eden, Crystal, Oliver or Samuel who all also happen to be her school mates!?).

Nathan is delighted and feels very blessed.

And then me? Well I am of course very happy, a little nervous and just in complete shock really. I laid there and could not believe that she said its another girl. SO, she then showed us to confirm and explained the anatomy as I think my whole face read “disbelief” and all of my thoughts suddenly raced into “I cannot believe its another girl”! Of course I am really happy and excited at this news but mostly I am just feeling relief and joy that she said she is actually healthy and growing normally. That alone is huge to digest after all I have been through!

So yes…I am very glad I have another daughter on the way, I just fear she will remind me too much of what I missed with her sister and it’s that now that I need to get my head around so that I can let myself fall in love with my 3rd daughter and 4th child!

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10 Comments

  1. March 14, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wonderful news but I completely understand where you are coming from in hoping for a boy. When we found out that Eva was a girl after Joseph I was SO relieved, the idea of having another boy was too terrifying and I didn’t feel ready to cope with the emotions that it would bring. Again with Megan, I was relieved that again we would be spared facing our fears, and then with Harry, I was desperate for him to be a boy. I felt ready to hold another blue bundle in my arms and give my children the brother that they had waited for all this time. And I wont lie to you, it was scary, it was terrifying at times, but now I see SO much of Joseph in him, and as bittersweet as it is to reach all of the milestones that Joseph never got the chance to face, it is also a huge comfort. I am sure that it will be hard for you in so many ways, but equally so wonderful to hold your little rainbow in your arms. Keep going, half way there. xxx

    • March 14, 2016 / 8:38 pm

      You hit it on the head. Its exactly all of those things and you worded my thoughts perfectly (I just edited in the word milestones too as that was it)! I know she will most likely look like Poppy because Poppy looked like Megs and so I think my girls, at birth, look similar, and I know that will be hard. It will be sweet and lovely, how can it not be but what you say is right.. they remind you. And I neither have held a pink newborn since so another barrier to over come there.

      I am glad there is hope though and your story is certainly one of that for me xx

      • March 14, 2016 / 8:49 pm

        It’s hard isn’t it? I think it’s always going to be hard, Infact life will always be bittersweet and that’s a word I find myself saying over and over.
        I also felt incredibly guilty in wanting another little boy for fear that Joseph may feel he had been replaced or even that others would think the same. Of course that wasn’t the case, nor did we want it to be, but it was just another battle that I fought in my head throughout the pregnancy.
        It’s so hard at a time when you should be feeling excited and hopeful and expectant that you have all of these worries and fears to cope with, but when you hold that little girl in your arms and she opens her eyes and let’s out a cry, there is nothing quite like it. I am in tears just thinking about it. Rainbow babies are quite something, I am so looking forward to hearing all about yours. Xxx

  2. March 14, 2016 / 8:34 pm

    amazing news!! Funny reading the kids’ reactions haha. Congratulations Mary x

  3. March 14, 2016 / 8:34 pm

    Congratulations!! I am so so happy for you! Sending lots of love you way xxx

  4. March 15, 2016 / 7:16 am

    Congratulations Mary, I’m beyond thrilled that everything went ok with scan and you have a healthy baby in there. That is such lovely news and I think it’s only fair to feel how you do that it is a girl. It is good in a way that you know now so you can prepare a little xx

  5. March 15, 2016 / 9:44 pm

    Mary I am so pleased that everything went well with your 20 week scan. It made me chuckle that Ethan threw the pink shorts on the floor. Love and hugs to you all xx

  6. mummydaddyme
    March 17, 2016 / 9:05 pm

    Oh massive congratulations to you Mary. You must be so thrilled and also hopefully your mind has been put to rest a little after your scan. Although i am sure that is not completely the case. Lots of love to you and here’s to another healthy 20 weeks of pregnancy. xx

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