Baby weight is a perfectly normal part of pregnancy, its expected isn’t it.. the amount of people that say the ridiculous comment “go on treat yaself your eating for 2” and because of our stretchy pants and maternity gear we don’t tend to notice the extra few pounds – why would we when were constantly being told how radiant we look?
Once baby is here were so wrecked and preoccupied that we tend to slouch around in Pjs, joggers or whatever is clean and aren’t too fussed initially with our post pregnancy bods until at least the 6 week period and then again the people that encouraged us to stuff our faces pacify us with “9 months on 9 months off” type phrases. Its all well and good until you have no baby to hide behind, no routine to establish and to the outside world no reason to be 3 stone heavier than you were last year.
Prior to getting pregnant with Poppy I lost a tonne of weight “Clean eating” – initially it was tough but it became habit and I looked and felt amazing for it. I had lost everything i’d gained with Ethan and Megs and then some, I was around 9st 10 when I got pregnant and whilst she was my smallest baby at only 4lb 5oz. The nightly Ben & Jerrys, doughnuts and other rubbish I turned to with every piece of bad news made me end up at flipping 12st 12! Its quite disgusting really, but then justifiable too. I still fitted in a regular size 12 top and my elasticated waist size 10 trousers and didn’t really notice what I was doing as my bump was always 6 or so weeks behind!
Now here I am 4 weeks post natal, Probably looking quite normal for a new mother (or so I hear) but i’m not really, and so because of that I cannot stand my baby weight. I know I just had a baby but I don’t have my baby, and because of that I hate that I have to mostly wear maternity jeans still because my hips and bum are still too wide, my shoulders are too wide for all of my lovely Autumn jumpers and blouses and despite the meds the hospital gave me I hate that I still have some milk in there!! All of these things remind me every day that I had a baby, they remind me of the emptiness that replaced the excitement and hope of our little Trisomy 18 baby girl and therefore I want nothing more than to wear normal clothes that make me feel just a little bit more normal and don’t constantly remind me of what could have been!
I recently went shopping and bought a dress that’s flattering and a big jumper to hide in so I can feel a little more confident in public and don’t look so noticeably like I recently had a baby…I look forward to 2 weeks time when I can get the all clear to exercise and burn off some of this fatness! Its such a difficult cycle, on one hand im feeling pretty naff about the extra weight on the other I want to eat rubbish because of how naff I feel about loosing Poppy, I give in and feel naff about the weight all over again..blaaaahhhhhhh