Parenting After Loss – 8 Months

Yesterday Alice hit 8 months of life on the outside! There is currently no indication of wanting to crawl despite persistence with tummy time, and no teeth either (possibly the arrival of a 1st tooth), but despite these milestones I seriously thought we would be at now, Alice is still becoming increasingly entertaining day by day as she plays more and babbles in an adorable high pitched tone. She is just as nuts as the rest of us and it’s so much fun!

As we see her personality develop and her engaging more with us all, we can’t help but wonder what Poppy would have been like at each of these stages. I guess that’s only natural though. I see both Ethan and Megan in her, both with looks and personality but then again she is just her too. You can definitely tell she’s ours though with a good mix of both.

She loves to be in the midst of the action and laughs her head off as Ethan and Megs perform for her. She is enjoying playing with toys and tat, and I find it hilarious that most day’s she gets quite irritated and shouts at them all. She eats anything that’s handed to her and always wants more, and the highlight…she’s sleeping through! Hallelujah! She has started to sign back to me with the first words being milk and more (obvs) and last night food (typical). As much as I want to, I feel tight evicting her from the boob so we’re still breastfeeding too. It’s fine though, other than  a little nipping and gum biting she’s pretty good and has almost dropped her afternoon feed too so it’s only on a morning and night. I have hope from my sister in law that she will naturally give it up soon anyway – we shall see!

She is such a sociable little soul that beams with interactions from most people and also has loved that we have had way more outings and another visit to the sensory group. She seems to enjoy sitting in her pram and looking at me and the world around, which I love and lap up each day. She also enjoyed our recent victory with back carrying, which I find helps me get way more done too – mum win!

 Things are just going really well at the moment, well aside from this coming weekend with it being mothers day. I am excited for what Ethan and Megs say they have planned, but lets face it, it will never be the same when you have lost a child. I’st almost always just another emotional day/period in the journey of loss that we have to deal with. It’s not a lack of healing, I thought I was doing well but it just sucks she’s not here and mother’s day reminds me of that fact whilst I celebrate my other kids that are here.

So yes, the time has fallen around her 8 month mark and no matter how prepared I feel at the beginning of March, or how many times I have had a mothers day without Poppy, it never fails to pinch a little. I look at Alice and am excited to have her here this year… a mother once more, but I still get anxiety and a lump in my throat to know its one more without all of my kids. I guess this year its a glimpse of what that 1st mothers day with 3 kiddies should have felt like, but in reality it never can because now its now 4, and we always have number 3 missing. That always seems to just hinder my ability to ever be 100% happy for mothers day. We are so blessed to have 3 beautiful healthy kids in our arms now, but however many other gorgeous babies I have they can’t fill the place in my heart meant for her, and the sadness she was so sick! I wouldn’t want any of them to, they wouldn’t want to, and so we plod on and remember her too with both joy and sadness. Its just how it is and its hard each year.

Aside from that in the back of my mind I feel like I have gotten back into the flow of baby life pretty well. We are in a really good routine with her now and aside from the odd wonder and approach of mothers Day, I am not overly emotional right now. I love being a mum to Alice and having Ethan and Megan has her siblings – they make a great little crew and I just cant believe she is a month away from a new wardrobe and 4 from her 1st birthday, (which I have already been planning a little) what the heck??? She is growing right before our eyes into another beautiful little girl and I am grateful everyday for each hug, smile, laugh and feeling of joy we get to experience with her.

My Petit Canard
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8 Comments

  1. March 20, 2017 / 7:20 am

    What a beautiful girl. Sounfs like she is coming on in leaps and bounds. I cannot fathom how you go on after the loss of a child, the strength it must take just to face the day. We lost our neice and nephew at 5months and 9months to genetic disorders and watching my sister in law has been the biggest inspiration and has put a lit into perspective for me. Sending you lots of love this mothers day #MarvMondays

    • Mary @TheHeartyLife
      March 20, 2017 / 9:40 am

      Im sorry that your family too have lost babies. It is so hard and so unnatural in the “circle of life”. I wonder each day how I am still surviving it all and how I find joy in life still.. I put it down to my faith but thats what works for me x

  2. March 20, 2017 / 7:28 am

    She’s gorgeous. I know how you feel about mothers day with one missing. Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays xx

    • Mary @TheHeartyLife
      March 20, 2017 / 9:41 am

      Thanks Fran. Yes I know you do – I hope Sunday and this week is kind to you too x

  3. March 20, 2017 / 7:57 am

    Lovely images, I hope Mother’s Day is gentle with you, a day of mixed feelings I am sure #marvmondays

    • Mary @TheHeartyLife
      March 20, 2017 / 9:41 am

      It certainly is – Thank you Jo x

  4. March 20, 2017 / 9:59 am

    A lovely honest post. Thanks for sharing #marvmondays

  5. March 23, 2017 / 10:01 am

    Your little girl is just the cutest and I’m sure days like Mothers day are very bittersweet for you. x #MarvMondays

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