Parenting After Loss – 3 months old

Chunkier cheeks, a new wardrobe, sleeping a little longer, going to her 1st party and smiling at anyone that catches her eye…Alice is most definitely in a new stage and 3 months is suiting us well. Her feeding schedule is rather predictable now which makes things easier and whilst we still have the odd night where it feels like we are seeing every hour, most nights we can’t complain and have enough sleep to survive the day ahead. Our favourite thing we forgot about and never realised we would treasure so much with a 3 month baby is the toothless grins, little chuckles when you stroke her cheek and the engaging babbles when you talk to her… I LOVE IT so much, it fills me such happiness, and because of that some days I just can’t bear to think I missed all of this too.

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She still feels such a novelty to Nathan and I and we can’t stop smiling at her and adoring how she clutches her blanket now when she sleeps. However, I honestly thought that she would possibly become old news with Ethan and Megan, that maybe she would just have slotted in and that be that, but instead the opposite is true – with more alertness, eye contact and engagement coming from Alice, she has certainly captured more attention from Ethan and Megan and some days I find myself asking them just to calm down a little and give her some space. Despite this eagerness from them both, I have seriously loved to see them all laughing and smiling with each other, and generally doing crazy things that seem so funny to the 3 of them all but that I have no idea what is going on between them!┬áIts a new sibling bond and I am loving watching them and it grow – watching Megan perform for Alice, nibble her cute little toes and play peek-a-boo and loving watching Ethan tell her how special and cute she is, how he loves her and pulling silly faces whilst letting her eat his finger.

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I have thought a lot recently about how differently baby loss affects parents and siblings and I think I am still in someways trying to figure that out, that and how children grieve. For these 2 it manifests a lot less in the tears and pain and more so in imaginary games and stories about Poppy. They often do and say things that melt my heart, yet break it a little too when I think about how much they missed when the baby sister they were so very much excited for never came home. Its very clear however to see that the love and games they too dreamt of with her that were suppressed at her passing are overflowing with Alice. I don’t know if they would naturally be this giddy everyday with her or if it is because they have wanted a sibling for as long as we have longed for a baby. I guess its another unanswered question that comes from loosing a child.

Either way these 2 have oodles of love and affection for Alice and I am loving seeing their bonds and love for one another develop with everyday that passes. I love that every day they adore her and every day they do silly, giggly sibling things that I am no part of but that Alice seems to love and basks in. She is certainly not short of love in this family and will never be lonely or short of a buddy too by the looks of things.

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3 Comments

  1. October 19, 2016 / 2:33 pm

    Ohhh the photo with the glasses on is adorable!!! She is so lucky to have three older siblings, and it sounds as though she is doted on by her brother and sister. Parenting after loss is difficult isn’t it? I found that on the one hand I was just utterly grateful for another chance to experience motherhood all over again, and at the same time it was a very real reminder of everything we had missed out on with Joseph. I think children do grieve in different ways and it manifests in ways that may not be glaringly obvious. My girls have become a little obsessed with joseph at the minute, they want to talk about him all of the time and draw pictures of him in my tummy and I think they are trying to make sense of it in their own minds. It’s lovely that Poppy is very much a part of your family, and I’m so happy for you that you have Alice to hold. #bestandworst

  2. October 19, 2016 / 5:45 pm

    A really touching post. Children are so resilient at times and then at other times the complete opposite – it’s lovely that they’re so adoring of Alice. That glasses picture? Too cute. One day she’ll look back on these pictures and see how loved she was from the word go! #bestandworst
    Devon Mama recently posted…The Six Stages of Making New Mum FriendsMy Profile

  3. October 19, 2016 / 11:57 pm

    What a beautiful baby you have there and such adoring siblings x

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