I’m sorry I have taken so long to update you on my weight loss highs and lows for the month of feb.. the truth is I’ve hit a plateau and it has felt a bit naff. Ive been doing some soul searching and getting my head around a few things (Please read on).
At the beginning of February I strained my chest muscles (yes really) and so have had to have a break from bashing the gym. I thought with the coldness of the month my asthma was being aggravated but it turns out I’d pulled the muscles in my chest and the pain when the Dr pushed on my sternum confirmed this (ouch)! It is pretty funny now I think about it, but not funny when I get on the scales! Im still mostly clean eating, though with things being hard emotionally again at the end of the month I have consumed more “treats” than usual!
I realised also this month 2 things –
1) I am only 7lbs heavier than when I got married: Lets just put this into perspective here – married for 5 years, had 3 kids and only 7lbs heavier, thats not a lot really is and its pretty good going.
2) I am becoming obsessed with getting back to my pre-Poppy weight: Before I had poppy, before I lost a baby and wanted anything but to look pregnant my body was the slimmest I had ever been. I wasn’t suffering with grief, I was in control and very strict with what I ate. Whilst its good to have goals and weight loss desires its also healthy to take a step back and realise that who I was then, where my life was isn’t where it is now. Thats not a cop out its me taking pressure off my mind that doesn’t need to be there. My life isn’t that straightforward now, I feel sad at times (more so than the average person) I need the odd treat to survive this and stressing over being that weight isn’t healthy either. Many people have commented on how good I look, how they can see I have lost weight and this must be true if it is noticeable to others. If I look good to them I need to not stress and feel I look good to me too!
After chats with the hubs I decided I was happy with how I looked now (and so is he – always good) I’ve pretty much lost the baby weight of having 3 kids because I am not far off where I started 5 yrs ago and was very happy with my bod then. I wear a UK 10-12 and keep active and so have decided to chill out and not be so obsessed with my body weight, maybe a couple pairs of smaller jeans dont quite fit but its nothing ebay can’t handle… I want to look in the mirror and feel good not worrying about 1/2lb differences. I realise there’s enough nego feelings in my life without my self image being one and denying myself a ruddy chocolate bar because I was reminded that day my baby died and sometimes chocolate is the only answer! So my goal for March, April and so forth is to keep eating healthy, keep gymming it and let the remainder of LBs come off when they are ready to. I like my wardrobe, I like me and I am grateful this journey I set out on has brought this to be my focal. I may be back to that skinny mini size again, I may not for many yrs but I look good in a swimsuit, I look good in skinny jeans and my goal dress fits again! Score!