The last 7 days, sprinkled with the various appointments we have had, have left me feeling like I am back at the start of the first child cycle. I remember doing similar things with Ethan once that initial teeny new baby phase had passed and began to get out for regular weigh-ins and standard baby appointments. Of course with Megan it was different as Ethan was always in tow, but suddenly they are off to school now and it all feels rather odd to be going places with just one little baby and it being all about them. Its strange to be able to just wander if I please or to have extra time and not rush because of faffing! And whilst it is nice to know there will be no dramas at appointments or in the journeys to and from them, I must admit that it is sometimes a little too quiet for me without the constant chatter in my ears!
Last Thursday, after a referral from her 6 week check, Alice had a hip scan at the LGI and so we took a train into Leeds for that, had the appointment, lunch and even time for some window shopping! I briefly worried of all of the “What If’s” and wondered if she would need treatment, but after a quick chat to my sister I realised it was a common precaution for babies with “clicky hips” and it is often resolved by itself…it was and all was fine. She was great during the scan..a little emotional after, but it was all very straightforward! I realised once again my worries over poorly kids needing hospital treatment was unnecessary.
As I sat waiting though and assuring myself it was going to be okay, I realised how for the 1st time in so long I wasn’t being torn in different directions to keep attention on other children and I wasn’t repeating myself 10 times to calm down, don’t touch and stop doing. Instead I could coo at my baby and was able to think about the next part of the day with out being interrupted. It was a rare and new experience that was rather nice!
Monday saw Alice having her first set of immunisations and again was the weird yet nice feeling of being able to sit like a normal person and wait… the jabs went well and again the whole thing was so quick as neither myself or the nurse was needing to ask 2 little rebels to not pull the gloves out of the box or go up and down on the bed like a fairground ride. There was no bribery with stickers or psycho mummy glances, just 3 injections and oral medication, into the pram and off home again.
I decided whilst we were in a good flow i’d take the opportunity to get her weighed and so did that yesterday. Of course it was nice once again to have my attention on Alice and discuss with them how she is and how I feel concerned that her jab marks are red and swollen, talk about feeding and how it all is. But it was actually the same health visitor from Ethan and Megan and that really brought home this feeling of the one child/1st child cycle. I remember taking Ethan as a baby and it was a regular outing we had, because of reflux he had weekly weigh ins for a while so when I was told to come back in 4 weeks or so I wondered what would we do til then??!!
Some days are madness and a haze of exhaustion (life right now) with a baby and then I find that some days just feel so slow…whilst its good to meet friends, clean the house and occasionally watch programmes on catch up, its been nice to have appointments to go to and venture out with the purpose of it being an “activity for Alice”. I think I will have to sign her up for some classes or take her swimming (ooo what a novelty), because whilst I am so grateful for this opportunity to have uneventful appointments and actually look like a normal person briefly, and whilst I enjoy for the most part the slower paced days and things being solely about Alice I realised walking home from the school run in silence that I miss the chats, the adventures and the excitement.. I miss activities with my children and having that purpose and structure to our days. I think I might even miss the unpredictability that comes when Ethan and Megan are around and it is taking me time to adjust to life on this daily one child cycle. I think in the back of mind its always there that there would be a toddler in tow and life would be more mental, it would be another cycle like that with Ethan and Megs as tots if Poppy would have lived. But these appointments have shown me that now Alice is getting bigger I certainly need to start doing things like classes and swimming and creating more activity days for us because it all feels a bit weird and even mundane otherwise. I really want to make this one child at home season one to enjoy and not be missing what was or wishing for the could have beens!