Yesterday was so much fun as a few of us went to Filey with the kids for a walk on the beach, rock pooling, paddling, ice-cream eating and some cheeky chips – it was brilliant. Nathan had gone out with his dad and brothers for the day and we to the beach and then met up back at home around 9ish!!! I feel wrecked as this whole weekend has been exhausting and very busy, but wonderful all the same. I love long weekends when we usually end up being with family; playing, chatting, eating and generally having fun together. The weather has been so amazing hasn’t it? and we have certainly made the most of it hanging out in the garden and at the seaside. I love to see the kids with their cousins and friends, enjoying life and having fun. Sometimes I just look around at everyone and everything that’s happening and just feel so blessed to have them all and be a mum to some great kids!
Last night as we drove home with “let it go” blasting and me and the kids
singing shouting the words out at the tops of our voices I felt so happy! It was a gorgeous sunset and we all had full tummies from being at Grandma’s and for a few brief moments I just wanted to bottle all the joy and happiness for those difficult days I know will come. I certainly felt very blessed indeed. Moments like these make being a mum/parent fab, they make you always want to be a fun, chilled out, not a care in the world kind of mummy, but with the stresses of life or naughty behaviour sometimes this isn’t the case (as you probably are aware) but this Easter weekend has been great and I have had many reflective moments. Yes I need a day or 2 to tidy the house, and catch up on sleep but I have enjoyed the time we have had to go out and make memories.
Loosing a baby is hard! That’s obvious and sometimes I fear to think on it too much as I cannot bear the pain. Days when grief is strong I feel like the worst mother there is as I don’t want to talk to people or go out, I don’t want to risk being told to “pull myself together” or something equally insensitive and as a result the kids end up stuck indoors, getting into mischief with a million times out and an often shouty mummy!!! I know for me talking about problems with people always helps me at times like this, but I feel as time goes on and people move forward I struggle to know who I can truly talk to about my heart ache, who I can go over and over and over again with the details and feelings I have on what has happened to me…but somehow these days pass, I survive, I keep carrying it and I look forward to the fun times we are able to have and I hope deep down this period of difficulty for our family won’t affect the kids too much.
I have realised and known for a long time that my children are out door children – active and nuts and blossom most on “an adventure” out and about somewhere, being in is never good for any of us and I think that this weekend has been so great as I have seen this in action and gained confidence in the reality that for me to be the fun and chilled out mummy I need structure, plans and lots and lots of going places together to keep me busy, and to keep a focus for when days get hard. I have loved seeing them happy, I have loved feeling lighter and organised and not overwhelmed by life. Organisation + Keeping busy + going out = one happy family
What works for your sanity and family happiness? are you a spur of them moment person or like me need much planning and structure or somewhere in between?