For a while I have wondered if grief can influence your ability to loose weight? I wondered if I was setting myself up for failure before even giving it a go! No not because I eat my feelings, though I do but I wondered if there were hormonal reasons too??
well after some research I found my suspicions to be true!! YES there is scientific evidence that says when we are stressed our body releases a hormone called cortisol which encourages out bodies to hold onto fat…WHHHAAAAATTTTTT (Im hoping at this point im not the only one in the world that never knew this)! It would explain why my weight loss seems to be at a snails pace and each week seems to set me not much closer to my goal despite the hard work. GEEEZZZ!!

For example this weeks weigh in – 164lb = 1lb lost – not amazing but not a gain! BOOOOOOMMMMM!

I did an excellent job at refraining from sugar this week – well until a completely rubbish beginning to the weekend and difficult and what seemed to be a VERY long Monday with the kids leading to eating more treats than planned and having it run into the “no sugar zone” – what can I say im a rebel!! But seriously the Ben and Jerrys did help and the revelation of hormonal effects of being under stress has made me ease up on myself! Im hoping for a less stressful week and more tightened sugar regulations!



I did A LOT of outdoors stuff as a kid/teenager – hikes, bike rides, mountains, camping, cooking on fires, swimming in rivers, backpacking. It wasn’t all joyful and I can distinctly remember some horrendous hikes my dad dragged us on! But overall it was mint and full of fun as a family and adventures; it made me appreciate the beauty of England and enjoy my health and the world we live in, my sisters and I had lots of laughs and fun that we reflect on to this day. I think these memories are what drive me now my own kids are getting older to get them OUTSIDE and have some family adventures.

Forest school is a fairly new experience for us and something id never even heard of until a couple of years ago, but the more sessions we attend both through the kids Montessori school and also now “babes in the wood” I feel its something I want to incorporate into our weekly schedule and have as a part of my kids childhood and leaning experiences. It gets them outside and teaches them too in a controlled environment whilst they are small.

This morning was the perfect weather for forest school and also great timing to plant a tree (or 2)! We got on our wellies and trekked through the mud to a beautiful open field to meet with other families for the session. I had previously looked up what was on schedule today and the kids were very excited to plant a tree for poppy. Ethan choose a ‘silver birch’ and plonked it right in the middle of the bracon (much to Naths dismay as he was chief digger) and Megan choose to plant a cherry tree – “and den we eat da fruit all in our tummies”!!! We planted that one quite near the river…very picturesque. It was very special to do it as a family and also after a hard week it was a positive thing to help me in my grief, yup  it was certainly a fun family activity to do together and of course made more special as it was in remembrance of our baby poppy.
Once planted we hung wooden cookies with a little message and Ethan and Megan drew little pictures on the other side. It touched our hearts when Megs said “Poppy love me very much does she?” and Ethan “I drew this colourful picture for my baby Poppy sister”!! Once planted and tags hung we sat on logs around the fire with hot chocs and snacks! I love being outdoors as a family, seeing the kids explore, seeing them get muddy and learning and exploring together. I look forward to more forest school sessions and more outdoor adventures to bond together and be close to Poppy!

tree 1

tree 2



Both Ethan and Megan attend a Montessori school and therefore have a real focus on life skills and independence.
I hear excellent reports of how able they are with food prep and general helpfulness in a kitchen setting, so I have been trying really hard to let them be more independent around the home too – I’m not keen on mess and to be honest I get annoyed when they don’t do it my way (I know its bad) anyway today I decided to let them help make their own dinner, after all, how difficult would scrambled egg on toast be??




Last year I lost a tonne of weight pretty quickly by switching our habits to “Clean eating”. Many people asked why I was on a diet? and had to clarify that Clean eating is not a diet but lifestyle change, it was introduced to me by some of my inlaws and involves eating better food options that are fresher and more natural to help your body be more lean and energized. This book became my food bible and its brill:
the-clean-lean-cookbook4fc3578abd745_3You can enjoy a treat once a week and not feel guilty, though to be honest the more you get into adopting this lifestyle the more balanced and wise your decisions become. When I first started out on it I was VERY strict for 4 weeks, no carbs, no gluten , dairy and no sugar. After that I introduced a few better than before options, so we went back to some pasta and rice but went for brown instead of white as with wraps. Feta and mozzarella instead of cheddar and the occasional potatoes too in a roast or jacket form 🙂 YUM! So pre pregnancy I felt I had an excellent balance of what I ate, and this became our lifestyle and natural choices and as a result I hovered around the 138lb mark as what I ate didn’t cling onto me as FAT…

 I have tried super hard this week to focus on food and change what I eat. It has been HARD! Not because I don’t enjoy healthy foods, as I said I really do, but I haven’t had the energy to cook from scratch, and make the right things…a frozen pizza or ready made lasagna is far easier when you can’t function and things haven’t really tasted right either when I have tried. I think our family are lucky to have eaten at all but unfortunately for Dominos and Asda bakery our money is going to be spent else where as I am ready now and focused on eating clean again and always!

Im changing it gradually over a couple of weeks as I am still very much in a state of grief and personally know if I go strict straight away I will be set up for failure. I’ve swapped jars for home made sauces, pizza for wolemeal pitta pizza, white pasta/rice for brown, cows milk for coconut or rice, cereal for porridge oats and cutting out sugar Monday to Friday.

Some of my fave meals this week

  • Wholemeal pitta with red pesto, red onion, tomato and mozzerella with salad
  • Mushroom rice with salad
  • Wholewheat spagghetti with homemade quorn/tomato sauce
  • Tuna steak, sweet potato mash and green beans
    To be honest from what I learnt last year is that for my family being that strict isn’t realistic for us – what I love about the book is that it has “bad, better, best” tables and as long as our meals fall into ‘better or best’ im happy and maintain a good physique, what I have on my side this time is that I am also in a good exercise regime too!

These small changes to my lifestyle have meant I have lost 1.5lbs and am now at 165lb – I’m pretty confident that as I maintain these eating habits, the weight WILL drop off.